The Dreaded Author Photo.

Oh, my word.

Yesterday I spent about three or four hours (including make-up) trying to capture the perfect author photo. No, I haven't finished editing my first book yet. Yes, I know I'm jumping the gun a little bit, but there is a reason why I decided to bite the bullet at this stage.

Firstly, I needed a picture for my blogger profile- it looks far more professional to have an actual photo than that weird grey head silhouette thing.  Secondly, I am aiming to get some professional social media presence set up, for which I might well need a profile picture.

So, why did it take so long to take a damn photo? Well, it turns out that it's far more complicated than it might sound. First off, I'm not at all natural in front of the camera. Some half-decent candid snaps have been taken of me while not paying attention but, as soon as I try to pose, I look ridiculous. The main problem is my awkward posture. It took so long to get the right bloody pose. I found myself watching YouTube videos on how to get it just right, changing my clothes repeatedly to create the right image of myself and trying my best to look natural in the least natural way possible.

There was one piece of advice in the YouTube video that I just had to ignore, and that was to use a proper camera as opposed to a phone. Apparently, because phones have a wide-angle lens, they make the things which are closer to it look much bigger (like the nose, for example) making the picture much less flattering. I beg to differ. That camera put about a stone on me, and that's no exaggeration, so I got my husband to take it with my phone, which made me look my actual size. Hooray for smartphones!

There was a time when I considered not having an author photo at all. I don't like having my photo taken anyway, much less if it's going to be out there in the public domain, but everyone says you absolutely NEED one, so I've bowed to the peer pressure of the writing world. It is what it is.

The idea is that it tells your readers more about who you are. I suppose, to an extent, this might be true. There might be something in a person's face or the way they dress that gives off a certain vibe about who they are as a person. What I did disagree with, though, was one article which said that readers will judge your book based on the author photo. Well, I call bullshit on that, because I have never picked up a book, read the blurb and said: "This looks great, but I'd better just check what the author's photo looks like before I commit to buying this." I don't know anyone who would do that. And, in any case, there are plenty of book covers which don't display the author photos at all. Probably not as great an influence as some sources imply, then.

It does seem to me, though, that it is a good way to look like a professional, which was my main motivation for doing the photo in the first place. However, I'm still grappling with the fact that it goes against what I originally wanted for my "image," which was to be imageless. In the beginning, I wanted to be unknown and mysterious. I still do, to a degree.

For the sake of argument, let's say that I become really successful, like J.K. Rowling successful; in this unlikely event, I would not want the fame that she has. There are certain things I don't mind sharing. All that kind of thing can be found here, in my blog. But, as for very personal details, I prefer to keep them private. I want to always keep my professional and personal lives separate, where possible, and I certainly don't want everyone to know who I am.

I think, as a writer, it's one thing to want your work to be famous, but quite another to want your face to be famous, which is why I was initially against having an author photo at all. It's the reason why I still feel nervous about it, but it's just another step to making me appear more like a "real author.  Maybe my work will become well-known. Maybe, I will become a household name; maybe not. But, if I do, I hope I can keep some air of mystery. My face might be out there in black and white form, and my personality will be read on every page I write, but there will still be a large part of me that's just for me and the people I love; a part that can't be seen, touched or altered by the world.

Right now, my main wish is to age really really slowly, so I don't have to take another one of these things any time soon! I've had enough posing to last me the next decade.

V.