Leap of Faith.

When I was a kid learning to swim, the scariest part was the first time I jumped in the pool without armbands. I spent so long at the side just willing myself to jump. Week after week, I'd stand there before eventually chickening out. Until the day I did it. I remember the moment so vividly, but I couldn't tell you exactly what galvanised me to take the leap in that moment. I stood at the edge too afraid one second, then the next something inside me just clicked, almost like a voice inside me saying, "Now!"

I call these "Fuck it" moments. It's when all thought, all reason, all fear, just fly out the window and we finally have the courage to stop thinking about it, and just do it. It's never as bad as we imagined it was going to be. I felt invigorated after that first jump. It was such fun, I wanted to do it over and over again. If we can just switch our brains off for a second, we can find the bravery to plunge in feet first, unhindered by the "what ifs."

For a long time now, I have been standing back from submitting any of my writing anywhere. I'm not talking about the edge of the pool here, either. I've been right back at the leisure centre door wondering if I can even make it past the front counter. Is my work good enough? Will people hate it? Am I just kidding myself here?

Over the past few weeks, I wouldn't say I've exactly lost these fears, but I'm getting better at ignoring them. Two of my submissions, one poem and one short story, were published in the Inner Circle Writers' Magazine today. These are the first pieces of work I've had published since a couple of articles I wrote for The Mighty a few years ago. They're my first ever published poem and piece of fiction. This is a massive boost for me.

I've also entered three different competitions: one for poetry and two for flash fiction, and though my pieces may not be winners, I'm still proud of them. The win isn't even the point, either. It's more about getting used to putting my work out there and having faith that it's good. Having suffered extremely low self-esteem all my life, I am starting to change things. I am thinking more positively and giving myself daily affirmations. I am setting myself targets and trying to smash them every day. There comes a point where we have to take ownership of our own happiness and progress, then pick ourselves up.

No-one is going to give us the life we want on a silver plate. Not our friends, not our families, not a deity (if you believe in one.) We have to do it ourselves. 

I'm challenging myself now. Each day I am making myself believe that I am good enough and that my work is good enough. I am building my confidence bit by bit, and a huge part of that is forcing myself to put my work out there. I challenge any other self-doubters to do the same. If there's a particular piece you're proud of, submit it for publication or enter it into a competition.

There will be rejections. There are bound to be. Just think how many quality pieces of work publications receive. But, if you keep at it and you submit good quality pieces, there will be successes too. Even our rejected pieces are not wasted. They're all good practice, both for writing and getting used to putting our work out there.

Here's to moving forward.

If you want to buy or subscribe to the Inner Circle Writer's Magazine, please go to: www.clarendonhousebooks.com/inner-circle-magazine-subscribe-pag

TRIGGER WARNING for my short story, 'Liddy's Beacon.' There are themes of domestic violence and suicide/ suicidal ideation. But there's also hope. And mermaids.

V.